oh how I miss my mukluks :’( lol damn mice don’t know how to not eat my mukluks 😢😢😢😢
lol a year and 3 months ago #lezbehonest
How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.
This is my boyfriends wrist. he use to self-harm before he met me. when he told me that he use to self harm, my heart felt like it shattered into a million pieces. I made him promise me that he wouldn’t cut. and if I ever saw him with new cuts, I’d be mad at him for 78 seconds.
today (July 9th) is a month since we started dating. I can say I’m already in-love with him.
I myself, have only self harmed a few times, but my scars went away. but his, are still there.
I love this guy so much, and I never want him to hurt himself, but I know that I can only do so much to make him stop.
I’m honestly so proud that he has stopped, but even if he did start again, I wouldn’t love him any less.
This is absolutely terrifying. Just look at it, it is so real and astonishing. You need to reblog this. I don’t care if you’re used to reblogging orange, teenage girls with vans on. I don’t care if you’re used to reblogging vintage or photography. This is real. You can even see the fury in his eyes. The tense muscles in between his fingers. The heavy breathing. reblog this. NOW.in all seriousness thoughM..my heart just stopped… ;~;Guys, you’ve got to reblog this. It’s reality and it needs to be brought to everyone’s attention.I lost a friend to this kind of harassment. I really don’t want to remind myself of everything that happened so I won’t say a word about it. All I will say is, he was one of my best friends and the kindest person I had ever known. The pain I went through after his death was indescribable. I want you all to know that it’s not easing knowing that someone you love had such thoughts that they didn’t deserve living anymore. I’m not good with words at all so please excuse this lousy paragraph I have attempted to write to move you. I am serious though. Don’t ignore this.i’m going to reblog forever.This kills me, please stop this.it seriously hurts to know people say thishow the fuck could you possibly send someone hate, or make rude comments when you know all to well that this could be the outcome, makes me sick. somebody please stop this from happening.
ALRIGHT STOP SCROLLING RIGHT NOW. REBLOG THIS. I DON’T CARE IF YOU ARE A HIPSTER, SUMMER, PHOTOGRAPHY, BOHO, SURF, WHATEVER BLOG. REBLOG THIS.
Oh my god
THIS MOVED ME SO MUCH GUYS REBLOG ;__; ;;;n;;;
((I DONT CARE WHAT KIND OF BLOG YOU ARE
when your boyfriend remembers all this stuff even though you stopped dating for 7 months.
<3 I love him so much. it’s unbelievable. I’m so happy I got his bitch ass back.